They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need water and some morals
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
