I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
