There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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