By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
