she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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