Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
