he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize