I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
