new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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