I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
