Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
