i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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