just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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