I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
