I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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