Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
