I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm bleeding and have questions
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
