my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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