gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
