you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
