Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
