hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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