Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
