She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
