I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
