Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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