I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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