I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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