Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think your dad took our porno
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
