Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
