We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
