i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
