I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
