he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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