I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
