An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
