Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was like eating out sand paper
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
