i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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