I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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