What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
