THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar