Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.