He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.