They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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