seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
pray to the hookup gods
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
