and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
