There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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