Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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