sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
