How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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