In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
