So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
