we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
