ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
