if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
