Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
