i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
