You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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