she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize