my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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