Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
