don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
