I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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