He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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