Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
