atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
