we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
