I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
