I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
