Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
