chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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