Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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