We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
