Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
