I'm passing your future prison.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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