Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
